But How Can I Use Emotional Intelligence?

Summary: I'm sure you're hearing the term Emotional Intelligence. It's being talked about a lot these days. For most people there's an immediate "click". We recognize it as the missing piece! It's like that cartoon of the girl saying, "Oh, I knew I forgot something. A career!" Well, in this case, we become aware that someone, somewhere along the line forgot to tell us how to be smart about our emotions. At least in words we could understand! But then again are you or are you not...

I'm sure you're hearing the term Emotional Intelligence. It's being talked about a lot these days. For most people there's an immediate "click". We recognize it as the missing piece! It's like that cartoon of the girl saying, "Oh, I knew I forgot something. A career!" Well, in this case, we become aware that someone, somewhere along the line forgot to tell us how to be smart about our emotions. At least in words we could understand! But then again are you or are you not "smart" about your emotions? You see we don't even know how to assess how we are with our emotions. It simply hasn't been talked about in ways that makes sense and would allow us to use the information we receive. If someone says, "You're too reactive," what does that mean? In relation to what or to whom? And aren't they usually talking more about themselves? Usually they mean "You're more reactive than I am" or "You're more reactive than I'd like you to be." They may be the kind of person who could have a firecracker go off next to them and not "react," but what does that mean in relation to their ability to function and relate? Not much! And then the next day you'll have a pounding headache, or have been up all night with the baby, and fail to respond immediately to a comment someone makes and they'll say, "Why don't you respond? You just sit there." One standard for judging your emotional intelligence skills would certainly be how well things are going for you at work and at home, because our EQ is more important to our happiness, success and health than our IQ. POSITIVE FEEDBACK LOOP The people I've worked with in Emotional Intelligence take to it immediately. There are immediate applications to their life they try, and the results are positive, so there's an excellent and immediate feedback loop that keeps you motivated and improving. One of the best things about it is that you learn the tools, and then the applications are all around you. No matter what situation you're in, or what circumstance, increasing your Emotional Intelligence skills will help. You'll become more aware of what's going on around you - the things you couldn't quite "grasp" before. You'll also become far more knowledgeable about what's going on with other people, and isn't that always the most difficult thing to figure out? COMPETENCY EXAMPLE Here is an example. One of the Emotional Intelligence competencies is emotional expression. It's important to understand that 90% or more of any person's emotional expression takes place nonverbally. That means - ta da - you need to increase your skills in being able to notice and INTERPRET nonverbal behavior. This means the expression on the person's face, how they sit, how they walk, their tone of voice, their silences, and other important "clues" as to how they're feeling. Why is this important? They may be telling you how they think, but how they FEEL is what's going to influence what action they take, whether they buy the product, whether they hire you, or whether they marry you. AT-WORK APPLICATION If you are charged with motivating others, you must be able to communicate well, and you must be able to read their nonverbal communication. Motivation is a feelings thing, not a thinking thing. If you can connect with what's important to the person you're dealing with, or connect everyone to an idea or mission they can feel strongly about, you will have your motivation. At the same time, you need to be able to read the level of the "buy in" from the other person. They may say they're going to do the project, call the person, raise the annual fund 100%, buy your product, or give you a promotion "some day," but, since 90% of most communication is nonverbal